Dante's Long Day At The Office
by Darkcomet
Summary: Have you ever wondered what happens when Dante goes a day without getting any jobs? It isn't pretty.


Dante's Long day at the office

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story.

It was eight in the morning and our resident devil hunter is just waking up.

"I can tell it's going to be one of those days." He said as he crawled out of bed wearing nothing but a pair of boxers covered in pictures guns and swords. He walked over to his dresser and kicked it. Sure enough some clothes came flying out of it, so Dante being the bad ass he is jumped into the air and in an awesome chain of events landed fully dressed in his usual garb of a pair of chaps, boots, and of course his red coat.

"Damn it" He said reaching into the back of his coat and pulling out a hangar.

"Why the hell do I always forget to take these out?" Dante asked himself as he went downstairs, which also serves as his place of business. Trish was already down there and she was also dressed in her usual garb.

"My goodness he's up before noon." She said in a chuckling manner.

"Yeah well sometimes things don't go the way you plan right?" Dante said as he sat in his chair when the phone rang. He slammed his foot on the table and the phone flew in the air, which he caught as it came down.

"Devil May Cry…Demons? They did what…oh that is going to affect the resale value…you want a female only…sure, why not she should be there soon." Dante said as he tossed the phone back on the stand.

"So I have a job?" Trish asked.

"Yeah they said they needed a female…not sure why. Must be some sort of pervert or something, why don't you shake your goods in front of the client? That may make us some extra cash." Dante said picking up a magazine he has no doubt read at least twenty times before now.

"Ha ha very funny at least I'm going out to do something. What are you going to do sit around and listen to your stupid metal?" Trish asked dryly.

"What are you going to if I actually do?" Dante said engrossed by the magazine.

"You've gotten lazy." She said rolling her eyes.

"Hey it isn't every day when devil kings try to take over the world or crazed cultists try and use a religious statue to fulfill some bullshit prophecy. Even rarer when my brother decides to fight me to the death, so excuse me if I enjoy taking a break." Dante said tossing the magazine aside.

"Whatever I have a case to get to." Trish said picking up her guns and heading to the door.

"Hey is there anything to eat in this place?" Dante asked.

"Just pizza…like always." She said as she left.

"Eh, not in the mood for pizza." Dante said. He sat there for a little while contemplating going to get another magazine but ultimately decided there was no point, he had read them all.

"Well I'll just put on some tunes." He said as he pulled out a quarter and flipped it to his jukebox in the corner of his office and of course in typical fashion it went in as Dante got up to press the play button.

"I think I'm feeling some Metallica this fine morning!" He said as he hit the button in over dramatic fashion. He had started to walk back to his seat when something happened.

"What the hell is this now?" Dante said to himself as he turned around. His jukebox had decided to play some easy listening music.

"Damn it Trish!" He yelled as he looked inside the jukebox and all there was, was chick music. He then unplugged the machine.

"Well no music is better than that crap." Dante said as he walked back to his desk when the jukebox started to play again.

"OK new one on me." He said as he examined the jukebox and didn't see a battery pack or anything. So he did the only sensible thing…he sucker punched the jukebox and dented it severely, but hey the music stopped.

"Once again brute force overcomes all." Dante said on his way back to his desk. But the music started playing again. Now Dante was pissed.

"Alright that's it!" He said as he grabbed his sword and began to slash at the machine manically. When it was in many pieces he went back to his desk and grabbed a pen and post it note and began writing something.

"Note to self invest in stereo." He said as wrote. When he was finished he stuck it on his desk alongside the countless other sticky notes the likes of which said "don't forget to buy groceries" or "remember to take out garbage" but those had been sitting there for months. Dante then sat there for with his feet on the desk reclined in his chair for a few hours when the phone finally rang. Not feeling up to kicking the desk he just answered the phone.

"Devil May Cry." He said in a very bored like voice.

"Hey Dante what's up?" A female voice on the other end said, it was Lady. Dante could only begin to guess what she wanted.

"What is it?" Dante asked annoyed, he preferred the silence.

"Well, I was just wondering when you were going to pay me back for that bike you destroyed a few years ago?" She asked.

"How about this…when you stop being a bitch about then I may consider it." He said, she asks this question every time she talks to him.

"Relax, I'm just messing with you. So got any big cases today?" Lady asked hoping that he may have some work she can help with.

"Nope it is nearly eleven and the only person with work today is Trish." Dante said in a bored tone.

"Oh well that is a shame…so seriously though are you ever going to pay me back for my bike?" She asked. Dante promptly hung up the phone.

"Well, I should be getting a call for some work and second now." Dante said as he sat there and waited. A few hours passed.

"My god is Hell taking a day off or what?" Dante said a little annoyed. He thought of something he could do. Sadly nothing came to mind, he then thought of any friends he could hang out with. He realized he knew someone who could come by and help him pass the time. He picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Hello" a male voice was heard over the phone.

"Nero long time no see...so what have you been up to?" Dante asked.

"Dante? What's wrong have demons invaded the city and you need assistance?" Nero said over the phone sounding excited.

"No, just thought I would call and see what you were up and maybe see if you wanted to come by the shop." Dante said.

"…Are you saying you're bored and you want me to come over and give you something to do?" Nero asked.

"No…I'm saying I'm bored and I want you to come by and we can play some pool or something." Dante said.

"Sorry Dante I'm busy here, you know cleaning up the city that was nearly destroyed by our religious leader awhile back." Nero said sarcastically.

"Ah…so how are you and that one chick doing?" Dante asked.

"Are you trying to make small talk now?" Nero asked confused.

"No just wondering how things have been going." Dante said.

"Man you must be really bored. I have to go and help clean up; it's a pain in the ass when you are the only one who can lift fifty times your body weight." Nero said as he hung up the phone.

"Man that was the only person I know that…no…things have not got that boring, nor will they ever for me to call…him." Dante said hanging up his phone. He sat there for a little while.

"Nope, no matter how bored I get I'm not going to call him." Dante said. Some more time passed.

"Damn it!" Dante said picking up his phone and dialing a number.

"Maybe he won't be home…please don't be home." Dante said.

"Hello" a voice picked up as Dante swore in his mind.

"Hey there…how are things going?" Dante asked.

"Brother is that you?" the voice said sounding annoyed.

"Hey Virgie what's up?" Dante asked.

"I thought I told you to never call me that, and what the hell do you want?" Vergil said curious as to why his brother would call him.

"Well you know, just thought you would like to, you know…hang out." Dante said hesitantly.

"…Let me get this straight, you are so bored you called me, your brother who tries to kill you every time we see each other, not to mention has tried to destroy the world, and sided with you mortal enemy in another attempt at destroying the world, because you want to hang out with me?" Vergil said a little confused.

"…Yeah that's what I'm saying." Dante said.

"I'm going to hang up now…don't ever call me again unless you want to fight to the death to prove which one of us is superior." Vergil said hanging up.

"What a bastard" Dante said hanging up his phone.

And so the rest of the day went by and Dante received no calls. Finally around six Trish made her way back to the office.

"What an ass…he should have known that doing THAT with brimstone demons would have shown up." Trish said as she got near the office. When she got there she saw Nero heading towards it as well.

"Well look what the cat dragged in!" She shouted to Nero who looked over her direction.

"Oh hey Trish, just get back from a job?" He asked.

"Yeah but what brings you to this area?" She asked.

"Well Dante called me earlier wanting to hang out and I felt bad for blowing him off, so I finished my town cleanup for the day and decided to come by." Nero said.

"Well isn't that nice of you." Trish said.

"Hey Trish what's up!" Lady yelled as she ran up.

"Lady? Why in the hell are you here?" Trish said confused.

"Oh Dante seemed pretty bored earlier on so I decided to take him and you out to a bar tonight, my treat." Lady said happily.

"Sounds good can I come?" Nero asked.

"Sure, if you can find a glove to cover up that weird arm thing you got going on over there." Lady said.

"When you say your treat…you don't mean you will pay and then ask us to pay you later right?" Trish asked.

"Now why would I do something like that?" Lady said.

"I don't know" Trish said remembering some incidents in the past.

"If I knew the big breasted whore, the freak, and the rocket wielding bimbo were going to be here I would have just stayed home." Vergil said walking up to the crowd.

"Hi Vergil." Trish said in a dry tone.

"Wait why the hell are you here?" Lady asked.

"Well Dante called me earlier on and the thought of him sitting there in his office all day with nothing to do made me laugh so I decided to see how it turned out." Vergil said with a grin.

"You really are a sick bastard." Nero said.

"Who asked you?" Vergil replied.. They suddenly heard a loud crash and they all ran inside to see what it was. When they got inside they saw to most horrific, not to mention entertaining thing any of them had ever seen.

It was Dante riding on top of his desk with no shirt on and his jacket tied to a stick like a makeshift flag.

"If I don't move the land sharks won't attack the boat!" He yelled. Everyone there just looked dumbfounded…except for Vergil who took out a cell phone and began to record the spectacle that he had hoped for. A few minuets passed and Vergil broke the silence.

"Well I got what I came for so I'll see you losers later. This is going straight on Youtube." He said as he left.

"S….Should we do something?" Lady asked.

"I don't know what we can do." Trish said.

"We can leave him here and go to the bar?" Nero suggested.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" Trish said as they all turned to leave, leaving Dante to fight his imaginary sharks.

THE END

Well this is an idea I just came up with yesterday. I thought it was funny, so I figured why not. I hope you all enjoyed my random story!


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